CrankyEarl.com

Where It Started

Like a lot of people, I went down the retirement planning rabbit hole. YouTube channels, podcasts, spreadsheets — I consumed all of it. The Money Guy Show. Erin Talks Money. Graham Stephan. Dave Ramsey. Hours and hours of content. Some of it was genuinely great. A few of those creators also happen to charge for their software, calculators, and "premium" tools.

Cranky Earl wasn't giving them any money.

So I built my own spreadsheet. Then a better spreadsheet. Then a spreadsheet that was honestly pretty great — but still didn't do everything I wanted it to do.

At some point I had a thought that changed the whole direction: how much do I actually need to withdraw from my accounts during retirement? I can't pay my bills with gross income. That's when I started building tax brackets directly into the spreadsheet — then the standard deduction, then a filing status dropdown for married or single. I just kept going. Suddenly the difference between a Roth and a traditional account isn't theoretical anymore — it's a number staring back at you.

What I Actually Know

Spending that much time with retirement content eventually stops being passive. I went from watching YouTube videos to pulling up IRS publications because I wanted to understand how tax brackets actually work — the real mechanics, not the 12-minute summary.

I know that tax brackets are marginal, not flat — something a surprising number of people still get wrong. I understand the actual math behind Roth vs. traditional account tradeoffs: when one wins, when the other does, and what assumptions drive that answer. I know how required minimum distributions work and why ignoring them during accumulation can create a serious tax problem later. I've studied Social Security timing strategies, Roth conversion ladders, and sequence-of-returns risk in enough depth to build tools that model all of it.

I went down the state tax rabbit hole too. Not all states tax retirement income the same way — some have no income tax at all, some exempt Social Security but still tax your 401(k) withdrawals, some do the opposite. Where you retire can matter almost as much as when you retire, and most calculators just ignore that entirely.

At some point this stopped being casual research. I was modeling real scenarios, testing assumptions, and building tools I actually trust to make decisions with.

I don't have a finance degree. What I have is years of genuine obsession with this stuff — reading the actual tax code, running the actual numbers, and building tools that reflect how retirement planning really works instead of how it gets simplified for a broad audience.

How a Spreadsheet Became a Website

I have friends who live in other states who were using my spreadsheet. I added an option where the user selects a state and the spreadsheet calculates the taxes owed. It wasn't impossible — but it was brutally complex, more than I wanted to keep maintaining. That's when I used modern tools to turn the spreadsheet into something more powerful and flexible. In less than two weeks, I had something that left the spreadsheet in the dust. I had zero intention of ever sharing it publicly. It was just for me, some friends, family, and a few coworkers.

But then a funny thing happened. I kept adding features. Friends and family started asking questions, throwing out new ideas, requesting new scenarios. The thing just kept growing. What started as a personal project slowly turned into a real tool — with a Monte Carlo simulator, multiple account types, Social Security modeling, and more.

Eventually, people told me I should put it out there. So I finally figured out how to build a real website — which, for someone from a small town in Pennsylvania with no coding background, is its own story — and here we are.

What This Site Is

Everything you see here started as a free tool built for myself. The calculator, the blog — it exists because I wanted it to exist. If it helps someone else figure out their number too, that's a win.

The blog is where I write about retirement math the way I wish someone had explained it to me — straight, honest, and without trying to sell you anything.

What Makes This Calculator Different

Most retirement calculators show you a projected balance and call it a day. That's not enough. Here's what this one actually does:

• Models after-tax withdrawals, not just account balances — because you can't spend gross
• Incorporates real expenses alongside withdrawals and runs a Monte Carlo simulation to stress-test the plan
• Includes state-level tax treatment so where you retire actually factors into the math
• Handles multiple account types realistically, including inherited accounts
• Built around real-world decision making, not generic assumptions

If you want to go deeper than the bullet points — the actual formulas, tax logic, RMD math, and Monte Carlo methodology — it's all documented. No black boxes. See exactly how the calculator works →

What This Site Isn't

I am not a financial advisor. I'm not a licensed anything. The tools here are for education and exploration — they're a starting point for your own thinking, not a substitute for real professional advice. Please read the disclaimer below and take it seriously.

This calculator is useful, powerful, and an exceptional planning resource — but it does come with real limitations worth knowing:

• Future tax laws may change — what's in the code today may not be the code you retire under
• Market returns are unpredictable — simulations model probability, not certainty
• Assumes the standard deduction with no additional tax write-offs or itemized deductions

If you're like me and just want to see the numbers for yourself, you can jump straight into the calculator.